Your Children Do NOT Belong To You

One of the most toxic mindsets surrounding parenting is that the children 'belong' to the parents; the children are 'theirs'.

Parents are by and large responsible for the children they raise.  That is true.  The danger comes from the sense of ownership, control, and power many parents hold over their offspring.  Having a child, bringing a child into this world does not entitle a parent to ultimate manipulation of a child.

Perhaps we can look at parenting in a different way for just a moment.  Just for now, replace the word 'parent' with the word 'steward'.  A good steward takes pride in that which he or she is in charge of.    The goal is to make sure that no harm comes to the ward, that it is protected, and that it is returned to the owner in the best possible condition, possibly even a better condition than it was received in.

Your children are on loan to you from the Universe (insert your preference for a higher deity here).  They do not belong to you.  You job is to care for them, protect them, guide them in their decision making, and make them better human beings than YOU currently are.  At some point, they will grow up, and you will have to give them back to the world.  You are not allowed to keep them for your own disposal, nor are you allowed to throw them away when the mood suits you.

Parenting is the greatest responsibility the majority of us as Humans will face in this existence.  I would like to quickly note that I use the word "Parenting" loosely.  Anyone can be a parent-like figure.  The most impactful "Parents" in my life where not my biological parents at all.  They were the individuals who saw a need in my life as a youth, and they filled that need.

Parenting can be done in the slightest ways and still be quite significant in the upbringing of a child.  Done incorrectly or with malice and it can have devastating consequences that can, in reality, last a lifetime, and impact more than just the one child.  It can quite literally, devastate the world.

Mentally healthy parents will always want the child in their care to have a better life than the one the parent has had.  These healthy parents do not make the child believe, even in anger, that their child has prevented the parent from having a good or happy life.  That is abuse.

The purpose of these blog posts is to steer us away from bad and potentially damaging parenting styles, and draw us nearer to a healthy and holistic mindset that produces happy children that grow into respectful, intelligent, engaging adults that will create a great future for this planet and the generations to come.